giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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