so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
