A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
