so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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