weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
