I'm drive I can fine osifer
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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