she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
