I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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