May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
