Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
