Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
