How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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