I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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