I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
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