just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
