her vagine was all disorganized.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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