I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
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Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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