i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He has the fingertips of a God
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