I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
