ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
