is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
