He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
