I hate your face
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
