i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
