i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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