So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
