And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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