That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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