I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
