Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
