You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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