OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
