Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
