we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
