Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I need a beard to bite.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
