I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
