boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
