He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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