Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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