This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
