dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
