Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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