chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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