In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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