Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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