Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
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Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
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Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just puked most of my soul out..
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