we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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