Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
