It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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