you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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