hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
