i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
