ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My feet surprised me
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
