ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
