I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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