matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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