Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
