I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
