I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We talked him into tasing himself.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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