i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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