Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
