Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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